seeing the light

Fall brings such inspiration and happiness to people all around. Marsh-mellows, coffees and different holiday projects make up the best time of the year. Pj's and lazy days bring relaxation and sweet love. Get out those slippers and coffee mugs you may put away in the summer time and make sure to see the positive in even those frigid, rainy days.

struggling

I'm struggling. I have that feeling of "I'm running but going nowhere." I see my friends and most are in the junior/senior years of college and I just wasn't successful in this. I want my degree and I want to accomplish this goal but I can't even settle what I want to major in. 

There are days that I think I want to be a wedding planner. There are days that I think I want to be a designer. There are even days when I want to be a therapist. When does that light bulb go off in your head and you figure it out? I want to be an entrepreneur, my own boss. I want to write my own book and have people look at me and say, "Wow. Look at her. She did it." 

I feel like I'm looking around for anything and trying to have that ah-ha moment. I'm doing well in the current job that I have, but I know it's not what I'm supposed to do or where I will end up. Even if it's on top. 

How does someone handle this struggle? I just don't know. 

september update

It's been a work in progress, for sure. I've improved in some areas and not in others. Workouts have been happening every day for the most part and eating better is going swell. In the past two days, I've eaten cookies that are not good for me AT ALL but it's quite alright.

This month I am focusing primarily on myself alone. I have a trip planned in December and I want to look great for it and feel great. I'm learning to take things one day at a time and only consider the moment when it's present.

I'm itching for success in my business life. I am pleased where I am but I know I'm not where I'm supposed to be. I'm pretty successful for a 20 year old doing in on her own but I am certain I want to be in the wedding industry.

Just figuring it out one day at a time. That's all for now.

July failures and August intentions.

Yikes July! You really got me. I set goals and was ready to jump in this head first but boy did I fail. I really can't be mad at myself for taking a teeny-tiny baby step but I really wish I had more progress and something to be proud of.

I set a few goals halfway through July that I really thought I could handle. In my defense, (excuses actually *cough*) I've been dealing with some unfortunate familia drama. If I keep using this as an excuse or letting it get me down completely, there's always going to be something in my way! I have to remember that I am driving this big boat called life and I control what I need to. This is why they say it takes four weeks to set a habit.

SOOO. Moving forward to good ol' hot as balls August. I've got you.

1. A load a day. Being organized and de-cluttered is an on-going issue for me that I have to break. When there is piles of clothes around I notice it and feel it affect my everyday life, yet I tend to just ignore it and hope that when I wake up the next day it's just gone. It never, ever works that way Ken. I'm thinking that if I can keep my laundry down by doing a load a day, this will take away half of the mess and will help me avoid doing 12 loads of laundry on one of my days off. After I clean out my closet and purge all the clothes that I don't even wear, this will be even easier!

2. Rise & shine by 7am. I hate that feeling that I've slept through my days off. By the weekend yes, I am exhausted and just want to lay in bed but then on my Monday I never got anything done. There will be those weekend that JP and I just lay and relax but I don't need that every weekend. I have goals and to-do lists dammit!

3. Clean eating for 4 weeks. I have never gotten past that 4 week mark with my clean eating. This will help tackle my goal of learning to cook since no one else in my house eats healthy (to be quite blunt). I feel a million times better when I eat unprocessed, clean food and have so much more energy. I've started coming home at 6pm and literally wanting to go to sleep at 7:30 because I was so tired and felt so crappy. No thank you!

I know I will not be perfect when it comes to these goals and I will make mistakes and have off-days. These three goals will make huge differences in my year goals and life all together. I just need to keep my head up and stay motivated. I CAN DO THIS.

Fail to plan, plan to fail my friends.

the issue with small steps.

I think I understand why New Year's resolutions don't work out. People generally want to tackle each goal and become this flawless person Day 1 but are too afraid to fail. I am that person. I all of the sudden want to change all of these different things about myself immediately, but the second it doesn't work out I save it for a different day. Generally this want to change comes when everyone else has this want to change does and the fact that I'm doing it in July is a little weird to me. Then again, I'm over the I'll start Monday thing and ready to tackle myself today.

I've started my goal list. I've started my life list. Both things seem to be harder than I thought they'd be. I have my year goals, and my July goals that will help me get closer to my year goals. I think my little system is going to work. Why?

Because I won't take no for an answer.

I'm pretty sure that's step one. I really hope with all my heart that you don't have to figure out what you want to change or improve this way. It's really frustrating and there's a lot of heartbreak. I can't count how many fights J and I have gotten in to because of little habits I wish I changed "yesterday" or all the times I've said that I'm going to work on that and fix it. It surprisingly really hurts to know you've failed at...well most things. I have a horrible habit of never finishing things I've started and each time I've been reminded of that has pushed me to this point.

So maybe that's what people like me need. Hopefully you can skip those steps. They suck.

With my head high and ready for some days where I just need to pick myself back up, I have my goals and ideas to a "better me". I know that I will fail at times but rather than totally giving up, I will live in the minute and keep on going. I want to see improvement immediately and just *poof* problem solved, but I know it doesn't work that way. Since I've already begun my health goal, I've experienced this first hand and can now, hopefully, apply it to the other aspects of my life.

I know I can.

Take 2.

Oh hiiiiii. It looks like 6 months ago I thought I was going to start this little blog and tell people about how crafty/etc I am. Did that work out? No. I guess you can tell by my ONE blog post. I'm a real over-achiever, let me tell you.

Welp, apparently I've decided to try this again. It's about time for little K to put some big girl panties on. At my ripe age of 20, I have never really taken care of myself "fully". I guess I put that in quotations because I went from living with mom to living with boyfriend. Now, 2 years later - J has popped the question, and soon I will be a wife.

I tend to tell people that I take care of myself and come off as having all the shit together. That's not actually the case. I'm a horrible cook, cleaner, I don't know how to complete a to do list to save my life and the thought of a CLEAN and ORGANIZED closet is a dream.

So here's to me, and my new idea of tackling this "responsible adult" thing. I'm going to teach myself how to take care of not only me - but that this person I plan on spending the rest of my life with.

Oh, and I guess you're invited on this little ride.

A new dream.

I have a thousand little ideas in my head. I cannot wait to show you my inspirations, crafts and completed projects. Watch me grow into this crafty little person I never thought I'd be.